just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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