That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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