I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
