I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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