i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
