Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
