She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love having hate sex.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
