four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
