Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
