her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
