what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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