I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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