After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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