Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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