thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
