I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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