Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.