im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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