I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
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She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?