Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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