I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Come share oat with me in your robe
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...