Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?

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(603): Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar? http://tfl.nu/vt9e

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(440): View more from Ohio

I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.

(1-440): View more from Ohio

Why? Who won?

(440): View more from Ohio

we don't know. we ran out of oranges.

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(440): I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges. (1-440): Why? Who won? (440): we don't know. we ran out of oranges. http://tfl.nu/wlmn

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(951): View more from California

Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.

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(951): Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already. http://tfl.nu/bhvw

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(954): View more from Florida

Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.

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(954): Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube. http://tfl.nu/0ubi

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(802): View more from Vermont

clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.

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(802): clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven. http://tfl.nu/4bru

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(410): View more from Maryland

As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.

(443): View more from Maryland

im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile

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(410): As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie. (443): im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile http://tfl.nu/7kar

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class

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(865): Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class http://tfl.nu/k0s2

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(407): View more from Florida

This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

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(407): This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper. http://tfl.nu/m3p5

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(817): View more from Texas

he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.

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(817): he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup. http://tfl.nu/cgag

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(815): View more from Illinois

I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages

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(815): I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages http://tfl.nu/m114

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(415): View more from California

I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc

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(415): I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc http://tfl.nu/b6p3

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(914): View more from New York

Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.

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(914): Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/4mfa

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.

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(814): My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible. http://tfl.nu/fwco

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god

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(781): Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god http://tfl.nu/k2hb

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it

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(505): Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it http://tfl.nu/hkkt

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