sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?