even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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