you suck at this game today
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.