I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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