what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
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I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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