I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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