This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
