I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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