All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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