Fuck appropriateness.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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