You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
