the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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