In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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