i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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