it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
