I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
