btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
there was a trapeze. enough said
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
