I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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