i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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