So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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