upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
