Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The air was thick with penises
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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