OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
