OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
