cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
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Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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