i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
