so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
