i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
