I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
