I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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