just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
