when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
