I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
