Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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