Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
