I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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