I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
