Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
