Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
