I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
