I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
