I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize