never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
