the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
