some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
