I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
