she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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