Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
