sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
